Purposeful Parenting
- Vipul Shaha
- Mar 1, 2021
- 6 min read
Updated: May 3, 2025
An interview with parenting magazine 'Palakneeti' (Marathi)
Note: English translation included at the bottom. To download PDF file of the article, please click here.
Vipul Shaha, March 2025
Palakneeti Parenting Magazine: www.palakneeti.in
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Purposeful Parenting (English Translation):
Being aware of every action we take and being in harmony with it is what mindfulness means. Vipul Shaha is a psychotherapist specializing in mindfulness. He conducts mindfulness sessions for children, parents, and teachers, and also offers individual counseling sessions. Anandee Herlekar from Palakniti spoke to him about mindfulness, self-awareness, life purpose, and parenting. Here are some key points from that conversation:
Q: What does it mean to live purposefully and meaningfully by understanding oneself? How does mindfulness help in this?
A: These three things—living purposefully, meaningfully, and self-awareness—are interconnected. But understanding oneself is at the core of it all. Living purposefully means living for a specific goal. That goal, like the North Star, gives direction to our actions. It brings energy, motivates us to work towards it, and life starts to feel meaningful and enthusiastic. It generates willpower to act on our own. Purpose drives away procrastination, lethargy, and the tendency to stay in a comfort zone. However, this purpose must come from self-inquiry—it should be something we choose for ourselves, not something imposed by others. Otherwise, it becomes exhausting. That’s why living with purpose and understanding oneself must go hand in hand. Only then does life become meaningful.There’s not just one fixed life purpose. As we grow in self-awareness and learn from daily experiences, it becomes clearer and may evolve over time. It doesn’t have to be grand or extraordinary. And lacking a big goal doesn’t mean we’re failures. The effort should be to make every day, every moment, every action meaningful—that in itself is a life purpose. And to understand “what feels meaningful to me,” self-awareness is crucial. This is where mindfulness helps. Even a small act like brushing your teeth, if done with awareness, becomes intentional rather than habitual. Asking, “Why am I doing what I’m doing?”—without judging, criticizing, or labeling oneself—looking inward, loving and accepting oneself is part of mindfulness. It helps us understand our emotions and the reasons behind our actions. Our decisions become thoughtful and less influenced by external pressures. This inner clarity reflects in our actions. Every moment becomes joyful because there is meaningful intention behind it.
Q: How are happiness in life and a life purpose connected?
A: Living for a purpose brings meaning, which in turn brings happiness. I studied management at Symbiosis, but I had no inner desire to work in that field. I felt aimless and dejected. So, I decided to take a gap year. During that year, I traveled, explored, and used the time to understand myself—what I really wanted to do and what I loved. The Teach for India Fellowship was a big step in this journey. By the end of the fellowship, I realized I wanted to work with children and youth in the education sector. While teaching, I developed an interest in psychology. I started questioning the education system, societal values, and what true learning means. I began experimenting with mindfulness in the classroom to help children feel less restless. My personal interest in spirituality, yoga, and Vipassana came together. Gradually, I got closer to my life purpose. From being hopeless and disoriented after college, I became full of enthusiasm. My work with children became my life itself. Unfortunately, the conventional education system didn’t help me find this purpose. I had to step outside that system and leave my comfort zone. When children find joy in what they do, life feels meaningful. It builds confidence and a sense of contribution in the world.
Q: Why is it important for parents and teachers to know their life purpose?
A: Anyone who interacts with children must be aware of their own life purpose. If teachers are enthusiastic, that energy transfers to the children. They begin to seek joy in their own work too. If I enjoy teaching a subject, students enjoy learning it. But if I find it meaningless, their enthusiasm drops as well. When parents lead a purposeful and meaningful life, it reflects in their parenting. They engage in calm and meaningful conversations with their children. Acceptance grows.Parents must reflect on their purpose as parents:
What is the purpose of my parenting?
What kind of people do I hope my children become?
How can parenting be more meaningful for both me and my child?
Parenting shouldn't feel like a duty we’ve been saddled with. If we approach it with purpose and joy, its quality transforms. Ideally, one should think about why they want to become a parent even before becoming one.
Q: Is the search for self and life purpose only for the privileged?
A: The desire to make life meaningful initiates the process of self-discovery and overcoming suffering with compassion.I’ve seen many seemingly ordinary people living for a cause, with deep meaning.Meaningful living is a mindset. A person sweeping the streets and a person creating art can both find the same meaning in their work. Three people building a temple were once asked what they were doing. The first said, “Laying bricks.” The second said, “Building a wall.” The third said, “Building a temple.” How well we understand our work determines our joy in it.
Victor Frankl survived the horrors of a concentration camp only because he had a strong sense of life purpose. For parents, rediscovering life’s meaning with their children can itself be a reason for self-inquiry. I now work with teenagers and youth from affluent backgrounds globally. Many of them find no meaning in life. They don’t know why they go to school. They have everything but still ask: “Why should I make an effort? What should I worry about?” Struggle and real-life experience are crucial to understand life’s meaning. I always tell parents: don’t overprotect your children or provide everything too easily. Let them go out, explore, travel, volunteer. Let them understand what meaningful living is. Let them find a reason for their existence. Otherwise, they become fragile, depressed, anxious, confused—and may turn to screens and addictions. Studies show that people with a sense of purpose live longer and healthier lives.
Having good friends is also important—they act like mirrors.
J. Krishnamurti said we can understand ourselves in the mirror of relationships. Teachers and parents can serve as mirrors. Not just parents and teachers, but even the community and society play this role. Parents and teachers can create opportunities for children to engage in mindful conversations and self-reflection through relationships. Every conflict in a relationship can be viewed as an opportunity for self-understanding. Finding life’s purpose is like sculpting—removing what’s unnecessary to reveal what’s essential. Even hardships offer the chance to let go of what’s unneeded and welcome things that are more meaningful, vibrant, and joyful.
In earlier times, life purpose wasn’t discussed. Society, tradition, and elders guided values and roles. Now, with rapid societal change, that structure is shaking. Children no longer accept everything told to them—which is a good thing. But it also means they must find their purpose on their own, in a noisy world that easily pulls them off-track. That’s why practices like mindfulness are more important than ever.
Q: Between mindfulness and parenting workshops, what should parents choose?
A: It depends on one’s personality and temperament. Both are important. Sometimes external training brings quick results. But mindfulness and self-awareness are the foundation. For example, once someone realizes they need self-care, they can decide for themselves what therapy or help they need.Such decisions come from within and have long-term impact.Mindfulness leads to change from the root. Changes made voluntarily are more effective and lasting. External training often focuses on behavior alone and gives instructions from outside. Without mindfulness, the results are short-lived and may revert. Mindfulness is best practiced regularly in a group—sharing experiences inspires each other. Teaching mindfulness in schools can help children build self-awareness. External training is like adding fertilizer from outside; mindfulness enriches the soil from within. It connects us to our inner self. Once that connection is made, goals and paths emerge naturally. That’s why calming the mental noise and experiencing inner peace daily, even briefly, is essential.
Q: How do you bring mindfulness into your classroom and family?
A: We have a reflection corner. When questions arise, I ask children to go there with paper and pen and think about:What happened? What was my role? What could I have done differently? What did I learn? They write journal entries based on such reflections. In families, sitting quietly in a circle and talking about topics like fear or insecurity, appreciating each other, giving feedback—these practices build honesty, shared understanding, and deeper connections. Everyone becomes a mirror for each other. It helps in self-understanding and building strong relationships. Practicing mindfulness in small actions leads to a habit of living in the present. Starting with a few minutes daily, we gradually learn to stay mindful in every action. Mindfulness is a practice for every moment. It needs regular effort. A life without purpose is miserable—that’s a hard truth. As parents and teachers, helping children discover their purpose may be the greatest purpose of our own lives.
Vipul Shaha is a teacher-facilitator, mental health expert, psychotherapist, counselor and certified yoga instructor. He primarily works with adolescents and their parents.
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